Life gets busy. Life gets very busy.
Appointments, play dates, activities, appointments...well, you know.
Life can't stop but it can slow down.
This has been on my mind lately because we have been very busy. I thought summer was going to be lazy, lay out in the sun at the beach with children playing happily in the sand. Isn't that we all dream of when summer is on the horizon? No school books or complaining or rushing rushing rushing. Summer has not been lazy for us. Amelie is volunteering at an animal shelter. She also has horse riding lessons. They have swimming lessons. We are volunteer drivers. We have appointments. Lots of them it seems.
When we get home from this busyness I am carrying a million things from our van (kids included) I am tired from buckling, whining, counting kids, asking kids to behave, gathering and just being a busy mom in public. (Shudder) I get home, open my door and BAM! Game pieces everywhere, dishes with half eaten food, dirty socks, thrown toys, clothes and who knows what else is on every conceivable surface. My mind screams because I know what this night will involve. My thoughts of curling up to my book with a glass of wine are shattered. It now involves doing a million other things that I didn't get to during the day.
This is how I know we have been too busy.
When our house is messy so is my mind. I become irritable and I have no calm. A simple question like "What time are we going to swimming?" throws me into frustration and I snap "Does it look like I am half ready???? Sure! Let me just drop this pile of junk and leave the messy dishes so we can frolic out to the van! Pardon me while I prevent an ant infestation and pick up this tripping hazard that is bound to give us trip to the hospital for stitches! I have time!" My poor children. lol
That is why I need my house to be somewhat tidy and organized. It makes me a better mom. It makes me a better wife.
Today we had a fun morning out. We went kayaking at the lake with my mom. It was busy but fun. I knew what I was coming home to. There is such a thing as too much fun. We need a balance.
We came home today and got stuff done. My two older girls cleaned out the van. We all chipped in and I got the laundry finished. The house looks good. And I sigh a sigh of relief. Sweet relief.
I can breathe again. I can think again. I can sit on the couch with my good book with a glass of wine.
I can look around my home and feel accomplished.
Here is a little peek into my house cleaning routine. It just may spark some new ideas for you.
I sell Norwex so I use all of these products and let me tell you...they work beautifully.
Monday - Bathrooms, windows and all glass in house.
Tuesday - Floors
Wednesday - Kitchen (Wipe down fridge and 2 cupboards emptied)
Thursday - catch up (If I missed a day)
Friday - Bedrooms (the kids do their own)
Sat and Sun - I try to do the vehicles but it never gets done! That is our goal though.
This routine helps me to stay on track. Especially when school starts up again. I couldn't imagine my house exploded and trying to teach! It has happened but it doesn't go well. The cleaner the house, the happier the mom. And that is true with me.
So not an uplifting post. Just me still figuring things out and trying to do my best. Aren't we all.
Saturday, August 8, 2015
Saturday, August 1, 2015
A Moment in Time
Feelings pass. Feelings change.
What seems huge today will forgotten a week from now.
I have times (today) when I am driving and the kids are arguing. She hit me! Tell Cohen to get his feet off the back of my seat! Moooooooooom! Are we almost home? I'm thirsty!
Times like today that make me want to yell at them to just stop. Stop with this insignificant fighting. Just be perfect little siblings who care about one another and look out the window thoughtfully.
This rarely happens.
Most times I can turn up the radio and roll down my window. Sometimes I may even sing loudly and obnoxiously so I don't have to hear them. Picture me, with my 12 passenger van, loaded with children and belting out Bohemian Rhapsody! Yes, it has been done!
I get to moments where I feel like I am at my breaking point. So much is expected of me. So much. A wife, a mom, a teacher, the secretary, the maid, the cook and on and on she goes. Most days I handle this with ease but oh so much is expected. Sometimes I think WHAT ABOUT ME????
So anyway, I have days where I want to crawl under my covers and go back to the no responsibility me. Sleep in. Listen to the birds chirp. Lazily make some breakfast and actually speak to my husband. Just be me.
But then I am laying with my beautiful 4 year old and she smiles and says, "I love my life." My whole crazy-can't-take-one-more-minute day comes crashing down and I melt into love and giggles and wonder and gratefulness and oh so much love pouring out of me. And I lean into her perfect little face and say, "I love my life too, sweet girl." I love my life too.
What seems huge today will forgotten a week from now.
I have times (today) when I am driving and the kids are arguing. She hit me! Tell Cohen to get his feet off the back of my seat! Moooooooooom! Are we almost home? I'm thirsty!
Times like today that make me want to yell at them to just stop. Stop with this insignificant fighting. Just be perfect little siblings who care about one another and look out the window thoughtfully.
This rarely happens.
Most times I can turn up the radio and roll down my window. Sometimes I may even sing loudly and obnoxiously so I don't have to hear them. Picture me, with my 12 passenger van, loaded with children and belting out Bohemian Rhapsody! Yes, it has been done!
I get to moments where I feel like I am at my breaking point. So much is expected of me. So much. A wife, a mom, a teacher, the secretary, the maid, the cook and on and on she goes. Most days I handle this with ease but oh so much is expected. Sometimes I think WHAT ABOUT ME????
So anyway, I have days where I want to crawl under my covers and go back to the no responsibility me. Sleep in. Listen to the birds chirp. Lazily make some breakfast and actually speak to my husband. Just be me.
But then I am laying with my beautiful 4 year old and she smiles and says, "I love my life." My whole crazy-can't-take-one-more-minute day comes crashing down and I melt into love and giggles and wonder and gratefulness and oh so much love pouring out of me. And I lean into her perfect little face and say, "I love my life too, sweet girl." I love my life too.
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
Where it all began
I would like to think that this all began when I became a parent. When I took my blinders off and saw the world in a fresh new light. In a parent light. Where it all began.
This would be dishonest.
I would have to start back in my elementary school years. Back when all seemed innocent. When optimism and naivety were at their highest.
I remember my mom coming home beaming with pride stating that my teacher said that I was one of his top 3 students. That shaped me.
I remember trying to remember facts about a test and crying because at the end of the night I was just too tired. That shaped me.
I remember being a part of a small school with the same teachers for 8 years. That gave me comfort. That shaped me.
I remember my male teacher being incredibly inappropriate with his female students for my last 2 years of elementary school We helped put him in jail 20 years later. That shaped me.
I then moved onto high school
This is when the effects of grade school came into view.
I realized that teachers try to fit in just as much as the students.
I realized that if the cool teacher liked you, so did everyone else. (Oddly reminded me of elementary school.)
I realized that most teachers weren't interested in who we were and why we acted the way we did. It was something that had to be corrected with punishment instead of understanding and compassion.
I realized that I didn't fit in and I found somewhere that I did.
So I look back on my school years and the teachers that I had. The good and the bad. They shaped me. I am who I am partly because of who they were.
I do have to respect that my past played a role in our decision to homeschool.
I wanted the privilege of being that person. That person who watches them develop into who they are meant to be. The person who teaches them morals and values by the way I live. The person who gets to be the person. The person who shapes them.
I look back on my past teachers, the good AND the bad and thank them. They helped shape me which in turn are helping me shape the most important people in my life.
This would be dishonest.
I would have to start back in my elementary school years. Back when all seemed innocent. When optimism and naivety were at their highest.
I remember my mom coming home beaming with pride stating that my teacher said that I was one of his top 3 students. That shaped me.
I remember trying to remember facts about a test and crying because at the end of the night I was just too tired. That shaped me.
I remember being a part of a small school with the same teachers for 8 years. That gave me comfort. That shaped me.
I remember my male teacher being incredibly inappropriate with his female students for my last 2 years of elementary school We helped put him in jail 20 years later. That shaped me.
I then moved onto high school
This is when the effects of grade school came into view.
I realized that teachers try to fit in just as much as the students.
I realized that if the cool teacher liked you, so did everyone else. (Oddly reminded me of elementary school.)
I realized that most teachers weren't interested in who we were and why we acted the way we did. It was something that had to be corrected with punishment instead of understanding and compassion.
I realized that I didn't fit in and I found somewhere that I did.
So I look back on my school years and the teachers that I had. The good and the bad. They shaped me. I am who I am partly because of who they were.
I do have to respect that my past played a role in our decision to homeschool.
I wanted the privilege of being that person. That person who watches them develop into who they are meant to be. The person who teaches them morals and values by the way I live. The person who gets to be the person. The person who shapes them.
I look back on my past teachers, the good AND the bad and thank them. They helped shape me which in turn are helping me shape the most important people in my life.
Monday, July 21, 2014
It is all a skewed perspective!
Please read the whole post.
Oh such a wonderful day we had today! Ron and I woke up when the kids came and got us up. We stretched, opened the windows and started our day.
It was a nice, relaxing Sunday morning. Ron played some video games with the boys and I took a bath and read a book.
Then Ron finished tearing out the boys closet for a project we are working on. The kids and I finished putting the books on our bookshelves since I painted them. Teamwork!
I decided to take some nice pictures of our children with their pets. That was fun.
We wanted to spend some family time having fun so we decided to go on a family hike at a conservation area that we have been dying to try out. It was open! Took a family picture before our hike. Oh I love my family. We then came home, played some soccer (while I picked some of our home grown veggies out of our garden and then we came in and tucked them into bed. Laid next to Hadley for a bit and she snuggled and fell asleep on my arm. What a beautiful ending to our beautiful day. <3 nbsp="" p="">
And this is how our day REALLY went!
Oh not the best day!
We stayed out really late last night. This meant that our whole family slept in until 10:30am! All of our children were up and here we are still in bed. Sigh. Hadley came and got us up so we got up and lazed around for a couple of hours. It was supposed to be a productive day but ... it wasn't. Ron decided to finish the boys closet while I tried to get the kids to bring down books for our bookshelves without fighting. What should have taken 15 minutes, took over an hour. Oh the fighting and whining! I had to separate them and designate jobs because they just couldn't get along. While they did this I cleaned up the house. I tried to get pictures of my girls with their cats but Chloe would have none of it. She does not like to be held. So I finally got a shot that looked somewhat ok. I wanted to turn the day around so I suggested to Ron that we go for a walk in the forest. Ron didn't really want to do it because he wanted to get stuff done around the house but I envisioned us walking happily through the woods and connecting as a family. So we finally got out of the house 2 hrs late (dinnertime) and pulled up at the forest. Let's take a picture!!! I say. It took at least 10 pictures of Ron setting up the camera and running to get in the shot. This involved me trying to convince Callum to get in the daddy-long-leg infested tree and smacking mosquitoes. It took me trying to get the kids to stop being silly for one minute so we could get a nice picture.
It was finally time for our hike! We got in about 5 feet and were swarmed by mosquitoes and ran directly out. That was our hike. We then said we would go to the park/beach and stopped at Little Caesar's for hot-n-readys because we got out of the house so late and didn't have time for our veggies that I picked from our garden. We then decided that we wanted to go home instead (Ron and I) so brought up swimming lessons the next day to help them be ok with going home instead.
We came home, played soccer and I collected Japanese Beetles that are infesting our greens outside. Grrr! Then we came and tucked them into bed. Hadley took 1.5 hrs to get to sleep and I was annoyed because I just wanted a break. She fell asleep on my arm (which was a nice feeling) and I came down and hung out with Ron.
So why did I post this?
What we see on Facebook is not real! Let me repeat this. WHAT WE SEE ON FACEBOOK IS NOT REAL!
Before mom took a picture of the gourmet meal she cooked, she was frustrated with her children for breaking the whole jar of spaghetti sauce onto the floor and cleaned up blood from glass being stuck in a foot. She burned the spinach and yelled at her husband.
Before dad took that beautiful picture of his baby, he changed an explosive diaper and wiped kid snot off of his cheek.
Life is not perfect. We have bad days. We all sit down at the end of the day and think WHAT HAPPENED from time to time.
We have a habit of posting only the best. Of course we do. We have a lot of moments in the day that we don't share. These bad moments are a part of our family. Through these moments we learn to comfort each other, learn how to resolve conflict in a positive way and how to forgive.
So take from the internet with a grain of salt.
I love my life, kid snot and all! <3 p="">
Oh such a wonderful day we had today! Ron and I woke up when the kids came and got us up. We stretched, opened the windows and started our day.
It was a nice, relaxing Sunday morning. Ron played some video games with the boys and I took a bath and read a book.
Then Ron finished tearing out the boys closet for a project we are working on. The kids and I finished putting the books on our bookshelves since I painted them. Teamwork!
I decided to take some nice pictures of our children with their pets. That was fun.
We wanted to spend some family time having fun so we decided to go on a family hike at a conservation area that we have been dying to try out. It was open! Took a family picture before our hike. Oh I love my family. We then came home, played some soccer (while I picked some of our home grown veggies out of our garden and then we came in and tucked them into bed. Laid next to Hadley for a bit and she snuggled and fell asleep on my arm. What a beautiful ending to our beautiful day. <3 nbsp="" p="">
And this is how our day REALLY went!
Oh not the best day!
We stayed out really late last night. This meant that our whole family slept in until 10:30am! All of our children were up and here we are still in bed. Sigh. Hadley came and got us up so we got up and lazed around for a couple of hours. It was supposed to be a productive day but ... it wasn't. Ron decided to finish the boys closet while I tried to get the kids to bring down books for our bookshelves without fighting. What should have taken 15 minutes, took over an hour. Oh the fighting and whining! I had to separate them and designate jobs because they just couldn't get along. While they did this I cleaned up the house. I tried to get pictures of my girls with their cats but Chloe would have none of it. She does not like to be held. So I finally got a shot that looked somewhat ok. I wanted to turn the day around so I suggested to Ron that we go for a walk in the forest. Ron didn't really want to do it because he wanted to get stuff done around the house but I envisioned us walking happily through the woods and connecting as a family. So we finally got out of the house 2 hrs late (dinnertime) and pulled up at the forest. Let's take a picture!!! I say. It took at least 10 pictures of Ron setting up the camera and running to get in the shot. This involved me trying to convince Callum to get in the daddy-long-leg infested tree and smacking mosquitoes. It took me trying to get the kids to stop being silly for one minute so we could get a nice picture.
It was finally time for our hike! We got in about 5 feet and were swarmed by mosquitoes and ran directly out. That was our hike. We then said we would go to the park/beach and stopped at Little Caesar's for hot-n-readys because we got out of the house so late and didn't have time for our veggies that I picked from our garden. We then decided that we wanted to go home instead (Ron and I) so brought up swimming lessons the next day to help them be ok with going home instead.
We came home, played soccer and I collected Japanese Beetles that are infesting our greens outside. Grrr! Then we came and tucked them into bed. Hadley took 1.5 hrs to get to sleep and I was annoyed because I just wanted a break. She fell asleep on my arm (which was a nice feeling) and I came down and hung out with Ron.
So why did I post this?
What we see on Facebook is not real! Let me repeat this. WHAT WE SEE ON FACEBOOK IS NOT REAL!
Before mom took a picture of the gourmet meal she cooked, she was frustrated with her children for breaking the whole jar of spaghetti sauce onto the floor and cleaned up blood from glass being stuck in a foot. She burned the spinach and yelled at her husband.
Before dad took that beautiful picture of his baby, he changed an explosive diaper and wiped kid snot off of his cheek.
Life is not perfect. We have bad days. We all sit down at the end of the day and think WHAT HAPPENED from time to time.
We have a habit of posting only the best. Of course we do. We have a lot of moments in the day that we don't share. These bad moments are a part of our family. Through these moments we learn to comfort each other, learn how to resolve conflict in a positive way and how to forgive.
So take from the internet with a grain of salt.
I love my life, kid snot and all! <3 p="">
Sunday, January 19, 2014
6 MONTHS TODAY
Do you want to know what I did after my dad died? I looked up the Stages of Grief. What is this natural order of feelings? I wanted a list. I wanted to know that I was "normal." Do you know why it is hard to find a definite order of grieving list? Because it doesn't exist. Sad. Check. Devastated. Check. Numb. Check. Anger. Check. Acceptance. Uncheck. It doesn't work this way. I wish it did because then I would know what was next and when this roller coaster would be done its heartbreaking-wanting-it-to-stop-but-not-being-able-to-and-closing-my-eyes-and-wanting-this-nightmare-ride-to-be-over-and-it-doesn't-crap-ride... Sigh. Do you want to know what I did for at least 2 weeks after he died? I HAD to drink wine in order to sleep or I would think. Sometimes going through the grief and the thinking is not beneficial. So whoever says that drinking is not helpful...they are wrong. It was helpful and I don't regret it. I would take numbed, buzz feeling anyday over the pictures in my mind. I left food cooking on the stove, I yelled at my children, I sobbed, I sat and stared, I felt like a different person. I panicked. I was lost.
So there is a new me. A new me who now has reality and it sucks. I lived in a bubble for 34 years of blissful nothing-can-happen-to-me-or-my-world and I enjoyed it.
There is no order of grief. There really isn't. I have started feeling better moving into our new house. I went through the holidays and I was ok. I enjoyed my children and enjoyed my life. But it isn't 100% happy like I felt before. It never will be again. There will always be that spot that hurts and grieves and searches for that naive place I used to have but I will be happy. I will laugh with my children. I will be thankful and I will love. I do have many, many happy moments in my life. Right now I am excited about decorating our bedroom into a room that we have waited for for 12 years. I am living my life and I love my life. Suddenly I don't feel ok and I am envisioning my dad walking out of his shed. I am seeing him squeezing his hands because they are numb. I am seeing him in his chair eating ice cream watching his show. Or hearing his messages to me on the phone that were erased not too long before he died by Bell Canada and how I long to hear his voice. So there isn't a list. I will feel ok and that everything is going to be ok and then it isn't. One of my children mentions him and I turn and cry. I smell him and I cry. But I do know that I will continue to live my life, my wonderful life with all of the gifts that I have been given.
Dad, I will see you again. I know you are around us and watching over us. I know that you are ok. I love you and you are still my best dad in the whole world.
So there is a new me. A new me who now has reality and it sucks. I lived in a bubble for 34 years of blissful nothing-can-happen-to-me-or-my-world and I enjoyed it.
There is no order of grief. There really isn't. I have started feeling better moving into our new house. I went through the holidays and I was ok. I enjoyed my children and enjoyed my life. But it isn't 100% happy like I felt before. It never will be again. There will always be that spot that hurts and grieves and searches for that naive place I used to have but I will be happy. I will laugh with my children. I will be thankful and I will love. I do have many, many happy moments in my life. Right now I am excited about decorating our bedroom into a room that we have waited for for 12 years. I am living my life and I love my life. Suddenly I don't feel ok and I am envisioning my dad walking out of his shed. I am seeing him squeezing his hands because they are numb. I am seeing him in his chair eating ice cream watching his show. Or hearing his messages to me on the phone that were erased not too long before he died by Bell Canada and how I long to hear his voice. So there isn't a list. I will feel ok and that everything is going to be ok and then it isn't. One of my children mentions him and I turn and cry. I smell him and I cry. But I do know that I will continue to live my life, my wonderful life with all of the gifts that I have been given.
Dad, I will see you again. I know you are around us and watching over us. I know that you are ok. I love you and you are still my best dad in the whole world.
Monday, January 6, 2014
I would like to redo this blog. Re-design it. Meh, it takes time.
As I sit here I hear the piano being lightly played by one of the kids. Callum is eating an apple and dipping it in ketchup. The other kids are watching a science show. Frrreeeeezing outside. Tonnes of snow.
What is Ron doing? Well he has this week off so a pipe burst in our basement last night and he is cutting the wall away so we can replace things. Isn't that fun?
We started up school again today. After the holidays. Wonderful. I get a bunch of children whining that Oooooooh, we have to actually lift ourselves off of the couch, place ourselves at the table and THINK??? This goes by fairly quickly so that is good.
We are going to start going to a homeschool co-op here in Wheatley. They will have a cooking class, woodworking, ASL (taught by yours truly) among some other classes.
Amelie is in Junior High on Monday nights. Ricky is starting art classes on Wednesday evenings and Cohen has science class on Thursday. What happened to our family? What happened to the laid back philosophy? I guess things change. I want them to know the basics but have fun and keep our values as a family.
Psssst....we are looking into adoption this year. Stay tuned for further updates. lol
I am going to pick another picture of my dad because well...I want to. :)
They had a wonderful marriage.
As I sit here I hear the piano being lightly played by one of the kids. Callum is eating an apple and dipping it in ketchup. The other kids are watching a science show. Frrreeeeezing outside. Tonnes of snow.
What is Ron doing? Well he has this week off so a pipe burst in our basement last night and he is cutting the wall away so we can replace things. Isn't that fun?
We started up school again today. After the holidays. Wonderful. I get a bunch of children whining that Oooooooh, we have to actually lift ourselves off of the couch, place ourselves at the table and THINK??? This goes by fairly quickly so that is good.
We are going to start going to a homeschool co-op here in Wheatley. They will have a cooking class, woodworking, ASL (taught by yours truly) among some other classes.
Amelie is in Junior High on Monday nights. Ricky is starting art classes on Wednesday evenings and Cohen has science class on Thursday. What happened to our family? What happened to the laid back philosophy? I guess things change. I want them to know the basics but have fun and keep our values as a family.
Psssst....we are looking into adoption this year. Stay tuned for further updates. lol
I am going to pick another picture of my dad because well...I want to. :)
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