Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My son. My beautiful son turned 5 this month. There is a difference between girls and boys. Girls grow up and need their mom. They call for advice, wedding help and just a nice chat. I hope that my girls will grow up to be close to their mom. Sons. Sons are different. I have noticed throughout the years that a son will grow up and find a wife. A mate. He will then turn to HER for advice, wedding planning and just to chat. There will be another woman caring for my son. Sure there are circumstances in each family that change that dynamic but in general, this is what I have found. So when my sons get a year older it almost feels like a year closer to independence. A year closer to not needing kisses on knees, to not praying with mom that nightmares stay away and a year closer to being further away. Sure us moms all look at our lives now and think ... oh how nice it will be when I can take naps when I want, when I can take some special interest classes that we want and when we can sit and have a tea without stopping to wipe a bum. Ah, the freedom. But at what cost? No more asking how we can see God. No more little hand made crafts just for you. No more holding hands around the dinner table for prayers. No more "Mom, can I just stay up for 10 more minutes?" No more telling them to brush their teeth. No more kisses and hugs goodnight. No more being the center of someones universe. I do want my children to grow up and experience life but at the time they are ready.
Here is an example.
Cohen who is 5 asked me at the dinner table.
Cohen: Mom, when do I get to go to school?
Me: Why do you want to go?
Cohen: Because I can play with all of their toys.

He is ready. No, not ready for school. Ready for some independence. Once a week he has Sunday School. We decided to let him stay for the hour on his own. If anyone knows Cohen, he has no filter. He says the funniest and most embarrassing things at times. He gets in your personal space and doesn't realize it. This was a big step for us.
When I dropped him off I had a hard time walking out the door. I was just down the hall but still. All through the sermon I thought of him. Oh, I didn't tell them that he still goes in the girls washroom. Will they take him to the men's? He would look under the stall and ask whatever unfortunate soul was in there if he was done yet. Maybe I should go and make sure they know. I stayed put. I am not going to lie! I did peek in on him and he was doing fine. My little boy.
Am I ready to let go a bit. Yes, I can do that. For him. That is what my role is. I am his mom. The person who is there to listen to him. To know when he is ready. To not push or coerce him into a situation he is not comfortable with. He is moving into independence on his own. Good for him!

I have been cranky with the kids lately. Pregnancy related...I know. I was feeling down because of the yelling. I had the wonderful idea of throwing flour all over the kitchen/kids/counters (you name it) and watch them laugh. And laugh WITH them. It was a lot of clean up but well worth it! While the flour will be gone from my kitchen the memories and pictures will last a lifetime.
It is nice to let go sometimes.