Monday, July 21, 2014

It is all a skewed perspective!

Please read the whole post.

Oh such a wonderful day we had today!  Ron and I woke up when the kids came and got us up.  We stretched, opened the windows and started our day.
It was a nice, relaxing Sunday morning.  Ron played some video games with the boys and I took a bath and read a book.
Then Ron finished tearing out the boys closet for a project we are working on.  The kids and I finished putting the books on our bookshelves since I painted them. Teamwork!
I decided to take some nice pictures of our children with their pets.  That was fun.

We wanted to spend some family time having fun so we decided to go on a family hike at a conservation area that we have been dying to try out.  It was open!  Took a family picture before our hike.  Oh I love my family.  We then came home, played some soccer (while I picked some of our home grown veggies out of our garden and then we came in and tucked them into bed.  Laid next to Hadley for a bit and she snuggled and fell asleep on my arm.  What a beautiful ending to our beautiful day. <3 nbsp="" p="">

And this is how our day REALLY went!

Oh not the best day!

We stayed out really late last night.  This meant that our whole family slept in until 10:30am!  All of our children were up and here we are still in bed.  Sigh.  Hadley came and got us up so we got up and lazed around for a couple of hours.  It was supposed to be a productive day but ... it wasn't.  Ron decided to finish the boys closet while I tried to get the kids to bring down books for our bookshelves without fighting.  What should have taken 15 minutes, took over an hour.  Oh the fighting and whining!  I had to separate them and designate jobs because they just couldn't get along.  While they did this I cleaned up the house. I tried to get pictures of my girls with their cats but Chloe would have none of it.  She does not like to be held.  So I finally got a shot that looked somewhat ok.  I wanted to turn the day around so I suggested to Ron that we go for a walk in the forest.  Ron didn't really want to do it because he wanted to get stuff done around the house but I envisioned us walking happily through the woods and connecting as a family.  So we finally got out of the house 2 hrs late (dinnertime) and pulled up at the forest.  Let's take a picture!!! I say.  It took at least 10 pictures of Ron setting up the camera and running to get in the shot.  This involved me trying to convince Callum to get in the daddy-long-leg infested tree and smacking mosquitoes.  It took me trying to get the kids to stop being silly for one minute so we could get a nice picture.
It was finally time for our hike!  We got in about 5 feet and were swarmed by mosquitoes and ran directly out.  That was our hike.  We then said we would go to the park/beach and stopped at Little Caesar's for hot-n-readys because we got out of the house so late and didn't have time for our veggies that I picked from our garden.  We then decided that we wanted to go home instead (Ron and I) so brought up swimming lessons the next day to help them be ok with going home instead.
We came home, played soccer and I collected Japanese Beetles that are infesting our greens outside.  Grrr!  Then we came and tucked them into bed.  Hadley took 1.5 hrs to get to sleep and I was annoyed because I just wanted a break.  She fell asleep on my arm (which was a nice feeling) and I came down and hung out with Ron.

So why did I post this?

What we see on Facebook is not real!  Let me repeat this.  WHAT WE SEE ON FACEBOOK IS NOT REAL!
Before mom took a picture of the gourmet meal she cooked, she was frustrated with her children for breaking the whole jar of spaghetti sauce onto the floor and cleaned up blood from glass being stuck in a foot.  She burned the spinach and yelled at her husband.
Before dad took that beautiful picture of his baby, he changed an explosive diaper and wiped kid snot off of his cheek.
Life is not perfect.  We have bad days.  We all sit down at the end of the day and think WHAT HAPPENED from time to time.
We have a habit of posting only the best.  Of course we do.  We have a lot of moments in the day that we don't share.  These bad moments are a part of our family.  Through these moments we learn to comfort each other, learn how to resolve conflict in a positive way and how to forgive.
So take from the internet with a grain of salt.
I love my life, kid snot and all! <3 p="">

Sunday, January 19, 2014


Do you want to know what I did after my dad died?  I looked up the Stages of Grief.  What is this natural order of feelings?  I wanted a list.  I wanted to know that I was "normal."  Do you know why it is hard to find a definite order of grieving list?  Because it doesn't exist.  Sad.  Check.  Devastated.  Check.  Numb.  Check.  Anger. Check.  Acceptance.  Uncheck.  It doesn't work this way.  I wish it did because then I would know what was next and when this roller coaster would be done its heartbreaking-wanting-it-to-stop-but-not-being-able-to-and-closing-my-eyes-and-wanting-this-nightmare-ride-to-be-over-and-it-doesn't-crap-ride... Sigh.  Do you want to know what I did for at least 2 weeks after he died?  I HAD to drink wine in order to sleep or I would think.  Sometimes going through the grief and the thinking is not beneficial.  So whoever says that drinking is not helpful...they are wrong.  It was helpful and I don't regret it.  I would take numbed, buzz feeling anyday over the pictures in my mind.  I left food cooking on the stove, I yelled at my children, I sobbed, I sat and stared, I felt like a different person.  I panicked.  I was lost.
So there is a new me.  A new me who now has reality and it sucks.  I lived in a bubble for 34 years of blissful nothing-can-happen-to-me-or-my-world and I enjoyed it.
There is no order of grief.  There really isn't.  I have started feeling better moving into our new house.  I went through the holidays and I was ok.  I enjoyed my children and enjoyed my life.  But it isn't 100% happy like I felt before.  It never will be again.  There will always be that spot that hurts and grieves and searches for that naive place I used to have but I will be happy.  I will laugh with my children.  I will be thankful and I will love. I do have many, many happy moments in my life.  Right now I am excited about decorating our bedroom into a room that we have waited for for 12 years.  I am living my life and I love my life.  Suddenly I don't feel ok and I am envisioning my dad walking out of his shed.  I am seeing him squeezing his hands because they are numb.  I am seeing him in his chair eating ice cream watching his show.  Or hearing his messages to me on the phone that were erased not too long before he died by Bell Canada and how I long to hear his voice. So there isn't a list.  I will feel ok and that everything is going to be ok and then it isn't.  One of my children mentions him and I turn and cry.  I smell him and I cry.  But I do know that I will continue to live my life, my wonderful life with all of the gifts that I have been given.
Dad, I will see you again.  I know you are around us and watching over us.  I know that you are ok.  I love you and you are still my best dad in the whole world.

Monday, January 6, 2014

I would like to redo this blog.  Re-design it.  Meh, it takes time.
As I sit here I hear the piano being lightly played by one of the kids.  Callum is eating an apple and dipping it in ketchup.  The other kids are watching a science show.  Frrreeeeezing outside.  Tonnes of snow.
What is Ron doing?  Well he has this week off so a pipe burst in our basement last night and he is cutting the wall away so we can replace things.  Isn't that fun?
We started up school again today.  After the holidays.  Wonderful.  I get a bunch of children whining that Oooooooh, we have to actually lift ourselves off of the couch, place ourselves at the table and THINK???  This goes by fairly quickly so that is good.
We are going to start going to a homeschool co-op here in Wheatley.  They will have a cooking class, woodworking, ASL (taught by yours truly) among some other classes.
Amelie is in Junior High on Monday nights.  Ricky is starting art classes on Wednesday evenings and Cohen has science class on Thursday.  What happened to our family?  What happened to the laid back philosophy?  I guess things change.  I want them to know the basics but have fun and keep our values as a family.
Psssst....we are looking into adoption this year.  Stay tuned for further updates. lol
I am going to pick another picture of my dad because well...I want to.  :)

They had a wonderful marriage.

Thursday, January 2, 2014


So life happened.

I thought I would update about our family.  We are doing well.  I haven't felt like writing this past year.  Life happened.  It tends to do that whether we want it to or not.
Schooling wise we are moving along.  We are sort of using a Charlotte Mason approach which is working out well.  I am enjoying having some kind of structure to our day even if it is loose.
We read.  We teach.  We live.
Live.  Such an interesting word.  Live.
This is our year in a nutshell.  My dad is gone.  Just like that.  I know he is close to us because we got a message from someone but yeah...he's gone.  Everything in my life is clouded by this.  If he could just come back life would be light.  Carefree.  I'll never have that again.
My brother got married.
My grandpa Dom died.
We sold our house and moved to a new town.
I went to school to learn ASL at the college.  Got an A.
I don't know what this new year has in store for us but hopefully it will be better than the last.
I would like to start writing again and focusing on our children now.