I don't get it. I don't get why it is so hard for parents to talk to their children about sex. First of all, I don't use the word sex while talking to them. I say Making Love. Isn't that what it should be? Sex just seems so physical minus the emotional side of it.
I think this is where parents go wrong. They are afraid. They are afraid of saying the wrong thing, giving their children ideas, of them growing up. They are afraid of "the talk."
I have heard countless questions on the subject from mom forums, magazines and Facebook. What is so hard about having a discussion with your children?
I just read a question..."Should I show my 8yo daughter a diagram of how her period will start?" Seriously? She is 8! Yes! While I probably wouldn't bring my child to the computer and show her a diagram I would most definitely share this knowledge with them.
Let me share with you how I taught my children about Making Love and all that fun stuff.
When Amelie and Ricky were around the age of 3 or 4 they asked how their baby sibling ended up in my belly. We are a Christian family so I first shared that God gave us that baby and thought we were the perfect fit. Mom and Dad love each other very much and we are married. Dad has something called sperm inside of him that God made. Mom has eggs from God that when they get the sperm inside of the egg turns into a baby. Isn't that amazing? It really is an amazing thing that God did. How could something from Dad go inside an egg inside of Mom? Obviously only God can do something like that! The next question was..."How does the sperm get to the egg?" Well because God made mom and dad fit together like puzzle pieces. Dads penis fits inside moms vagina and that is how it gets in there. They said "Oh" and that was it. They have always known and not made a big deal out of it. It really is that easy! Why so many books on the subject? Why so many programs and websites? Why does it have to be so hard?
Another one. Menstration. Half of the population gets it. Why would this be so difficult to discuss? I have explained to the girls what to watch for and what we do about it.
If we explain everything like it is a gift from God then we can't go wrong. We have periods so we can have babies! It is allowing us to carry a baby inside of us. A child of God.
One day I will have a discussion with my children about Love! Now there is a much harder discussion in my opinion. They need to be taught about feelings. Appropriate feelings. About the difference between love and lust. About appropriate behavior and what God wants for us.
The facts...easy. The in depth conversation about Love...eeeeek! That is a conversation that I don't want to mess up. I want them to fully understand how important it is to wait until marriage.
I haven't decided how exactly to have this talk. If it is going to involve Dad or if it will be me and the child alone. Of course throughout their life they have been taught this but I do what to have a good sit-down talk about it.
Many parents do not have this very important talk. Kids are left wondering. Kids are left asking their friends. Kids are left to discovering themselves. It is our job as parents to prepare our children for what is to come. We all know that our children will have hormones and they will have feelings. I plan to be aware of that and have open discussions with my children. What are you doing?
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
I remember when we started homeschooling. I read every book in sight about it. I learned all about John Taylor Gatto and other homeschooling guru's. I read blogs, websites and bought loads and loads of curriculum that we didn't need. I mean, my daughter was THREE!
I anticipated the much talked about socialization questions and doubting family. I couldn't wait for the battle. I was right! I spewed out every fact and every detail about homeschooling in favour of it. I think that by fighting against everyone I was also fighting against my own doubts. My own insecurities. I wanted to believe just as much as I wanted everyone else to believe. I was fairly confident but did still have that little bit of doubt nestled deep within me.
I knew that we would be put under a microscope. "She is so sweet because she is homeschooled!" "He was rude because he is homeschooled!" Everything we did would be because we homeschool.
To be honest I don't think all the reading in the world or all the talking in the world can bring you to the place that you need to be like experience can. Sure little Johnny at homeschool co-op could read chapter books by the age of three but that isn't the same as seeing your child learn and grow on their own. Bit by bit, it happens.
Seeing my children yearn to read and learn all on their own inspires me. I see little wheels turning constantly. I hear questions like "How big is an inch?" to "Why is the ocean blue?" I listen to their laughter and their navigation of relationships. Seriously, how can they not learn. Now when someone asks me questions about homeschooling or make comments about it, I don't feel the need to argue. I will answer questions respectfully and possibly change the subject. I no longer feel the need to be right. It doesn't matter to me what others think. It really doesn't. That is because I know what is right without a doubt. I wish I could go back to when we were just starting on this journey and tell my old self - Calm down. Take a deep breath. Don't buy that. Smile and nod. That doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. Take a deep breath. Calm down. Smile.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Here is our yummy Hadley Jude. Her picture was taken by a wonderful local photographer. You can check out her website @ Dana Marchand Photography.
Our Hadley is growing so fast!
If I had to say one thing about parenting that is so very cliche I would say:
They grow so fast. If you blink, you will miss it all. It is hitting home lately.
Amelie and Ricky no longer need help in the tub.
I can leave most of them playing in the tub alone.
The oldest 4 can go outside together without me.
I need to cherish each phase as it comes. Each smile. Each hug. Each whine and cuddle.
I wish I could keep them young and by my side forever.
One day this chaotic house will be quiet and clean. I surprisingly don't look forward to those days.