Friday, May 28, 2010
The question: Why are kids of today rebelling? Why do they have no respect for adults? Do they need to be punished more harshly? Are parents too lenient?
I firmly believe that it is a disconnect between parent(s) and child. There are so many reasons that a disconnect can happen and if parents are not aware of this change, it can have horrible consequences. It doesn't have to be anything as drastic as divorce or abuse. Here is our little story.
Amelie was snapping at Ron. She was being disrespectful and snotty. A lot of parents would see this as needing to change the child. She should not be talking to her parent like that!! She needs to be fixed. It is not the child who needs to be fixed. It is the relationship. It was an obvious disconnect between father and daughter. I sat down with Amelie and had a heart to heart. I am not going to share our conversation nor am I going to share theirs. It is personal and I respect her privacy. She did share that Ron was yelling at her a lot. He is still adjusting to midnights and Amelie is high energy. Combine that...there ya go. I told Ron about our conversation and he had a good talk with her on their own. They decided to go out on a date.
This date involved fishing, coming home and dressing up (dad too) and heading out to the movies. I can tell you that Amelie felt like the most special girl in the world. It may not happen overnight but we have noticed a significant change in the way they speak to each other.
This reconnect didn't happen because we want her to comply and be fixed. This happened because she is important and she needed to be heard.
I saw with my very eyes the connection being put back in place. A shy smile, a brightness of the eyes and the face expressions of both.
If I had yelled at her to be more respectful and YOU DON'T TALK TO YOUR FATHER THAT WAY or whatever else I could have said, do you think that reconnect could have happened?
It is important to stay involved enough with your children (and spouse) to recognize when the relationship needs help.
In one of these pictures Amelie is saying, "Just pretend to kiss me, ok dad?" xoxo
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
During the winter months I worry that my children are not getting out enough. We are home a lot and don't go outside much.
In the summer months it is the opposite. They have soccer. They have homeschool park day weekly. They have library. They have play dates. They have homeschool outings.
While we are doing most of these activities together ... it isn't alone. It involves other children and other parents. I sometimes get busy talking to others and so do they. This is fine and healthy. It is just when it is too much. We go to outings/soccer/library, come home and eat and then get ready for bed. This all involves getting it done. Last week I was feeling like we needed to get our center back. We needed to spend some time alone. This involved me canceling a homeschool outing and heading out as a family to a conservation area. We were re-establishing our relationships. The most important relationships your children (and yourself) will have.
I don't understand how families who are go go go have this deep bond. They have school, work, activities, play dates... and the list goes on. I don't judge a family for their decisions. It is more of...how do they do it? How do they keep the sole focus on togetherness and the importance of family?
I am very much noticing the difference between a child who is homeschooled as opposed to a child who goes to school. This difference is partially the reason we needed the re-group time. When we have homeschool park day there is no leaving children out. There are no comments on what the other children are wearing. There is no teasing and no belittling. If this does happen the parents are there to help them through the life lessons. When we go to soccer it is a whole different situation.
So on this walk we reconnected. We listened to the world and each other. We hid in tree forts and felt the pebbles beneath our feet. We walked through snail infested water and held hands. We laughed and probably some of us cried. It is so very refreshing to see my children without a worry in the world hand in hand. When the world doesn't make sense...nature and family are always there to hold you still.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
I was going to write about our trip to the dairy farm. I am going to save that for another post. What I am going to post about is something that happened at the dairy farm.
First, lets get a description of the pictures.
The first picture is Ricky letting Reagan pet a worm.
The second picture is of Callum playing in an ant hill (black btw)
The third is what happened when the outing was finished.
WHAT HAPPENED IN OUR CHILDHOODS THAT STOPS US FROM ALLOWING OUR CHILDREN TO GET DIRTY?
On occasion my children get dirty. Ok, filthy. We bring a garbage bag in our van for this very reason. (This is where we place their wet clothes)
Do you realize how many dirty looks we get as parents for allowing our children to play in puddles? You can see the other parents minds reeling... Disgusting! How fast do you think I can dial my phone to get the bad parenting police here? Ahhh I can see the disease spreading now! A smiling face suddenly contorts to a look of disgust when seeing a blissfully happy yet dirty child. What is it that holds a parent back? Well yesterday was the first time I heard another parent say...oh fun and allow their children to join mine. She even grabbed her camera. I was in shock! And you know what? THAT IS SAD! If parents could see their children's faces while running through a puddle maybe they would allow it. If parents could stop worrying about what society thinks and allow their children the freedom just maybe those parents will join in the fun?
Last year we went to a park. This park is something of a high-end park as far as parks go. A neighbourhood where everyone lives in a nice house and has two nice cars kind of neighbourhood. It had rained the night before so there was a huge puddle under the swings. It started out by one of my children walking through the puddle. Maybe a few gasps from other children buy you should have seen the look in the other childrens eyes! It was wonder. It was longing. It was incredulous that a parent would sit back and watch her children literally swim like fish through this puddle. I heard a few comments like...I wish my parents would let me do that! That looks like fun! These other children wanted in that puddle so badly.
While we were walking back to our car to strip them down the parents were looking at us with daggers. WHY? I DON'T GET IT!! At these times I turn back to my children to see their happy faces instead of those other parents.
I wish people could let go of their adult smugness/uncomfortableness and let their kids be kids.
It really is rewarding! And all you have to do is throw a load of wet clothes into the wash. Seems like such a small thing to allow them that freedom, doesn't it?
Monday, May 10, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Do you want to know what was so special about this outing?
Ok, first a recap. Every month I plan an outing for the local homeschoolers. April's outing was going to the cinema to learn behind the scenes and then watch a movie. (How to train a dragon)
Guess how many people attended! 150 homeschoolers in one cinema. It truly was amazing to see! It was also affirming.
The first picture is of some of the children touching the screen (because you know we have all wanted to at one point in our lives!)
The second picture is me standing upstairs where the projection room is and looking down at the older kids group. Yes you heard it right! That group is not all of us! They got a more in depth discussion about how the cinema is run.
The third and fourth pictures are in the projection room. I am surprised they allowed all of us in there considering how expensive the equipment is but they did.
I would have to say that this was one of my favorite outings to date.
My children loved the movie and loved spending time with friends.