Friday, August 5, 2011
I have been thinking a lot about independence. I see older people whose children are teenagers or older. I cannot fathom being able to take a nap or quilt uninterrupted. Some calls me on the phone and asks if I would like to join them for a coffee/movie/dinner and I can say yes and not worry about the kids. I will sleep through the night. The house will not have more food under the table than on. I can watch my shows and not worry about little eyes watching and being influenced. I get little glimpses of what my life will be. Then I am up in the middle of the night with a little Hadley, nuzzled into my neck. I can feel her little chest going up and down against mine. She whimpers like a puppy in her sleep. Before bed I check on every one of my children to make sure they are there and covered. Cohen has his mouth open while he sleeps. Amelie is spread out and Ricky is curled up in her plethora of stuffed animals. Reagan I tread lightly because she will wake up and want to be up. Callum is out like a log and won't move. Throughout the night most will be out on the couch, spread out all over. Why do we have beds? lol We put blankets out on the couch at night because we know they will end up here. Growing up is bittersweet. While thinking about independence I think about missing this stage. The needing me stage. The look in their eyes that says I am their world. I look forward to who they will become but that can't stop me from seeing who they are. Quilting can wait. The memories cannot.