Friday, May 28, 2010
The question: Why are kids of today rebelling? Why do they have no respect for adults? Do they need to be punished more harshly? Are parents too lenient?
I firmly believe that it is a disconnect between parent(s) and child. There are so many reasons that a disconnect can happen and if parents are not aware of this change, it can have horrible consequences. It doesn't have to be anything as drastic as divorce or abuse. Here is our little story.
Amelie was snapping at Ron. She was being disrespectful and snotty. A lot of parents would see this as needing to change the child. She should not be talking to her parent like that!! She needs to be fixed. It is not the child who needs to be fixed. It is the relationship. It was an obvious disconnect between father and daughter. I sat down with Amelie and had a heart to heart. I am not going to share our conversation nor am I going to share theirs. It is personal and I respect her privacy. She did share that Ron was yelling at her a lot. He is still adjusting to midnights and Amelie is high energy. Combine that...there ya go. I told Ron about our conversation and he had a good talk with her on their own. They decided to go out on a date.
This date involved fishing, coming home and dressing up (dad too) and heading out to the movies. I can tell you that Amelie felt like the most special girl in the world. It may not happen overnight but we have noticed a significant change in the way they speak to each other.
This reconnect didn't happen because we want her to comply and be fixed. This happened because she is important and she needed to be heard.
I saw with my very eyes the connection being put back in place. A shy smile, a brightness of the eyes and the face expressions of both.
If I had yelled at her to be more respectful and YOU DON'T TALK TO YOUR FATHER THAT WAY or whatever else I could have said, do you think that reconnect could have happened?
It is important to stay involved enough with your children (and spouse) to recognize when the relationship needs help.
In one of these pictures Amelie is saying, "Just pretend to kiss me, ok dad?" xoxo