Friday, October 7, 2011

Fear

Sisters



Exploration




Hadley on the sidelines




Freedom


We had Homeschool Track and Field Day today. This means heading to the beach in the afternoon with the kids. As I look through the pictures I notice their smiling faces and the freedom they have. You do not see any pictures of me. If you did you would see worry. Anxiety. Serious. I have 6 children. 4 of whom cannot swim yet. 3 of whom who try to. Can you see where this would stem from? I try. I really do. I just don't find the beach relaxing. I remember my grandma (who had 8 children) telling me that whenever they would go to the beach she would be watching like a hawk and counting heads. My grandpa would be laying out in the sun without a care in the world. While I was hovering over my children I looked over at my husband who had the baby in the shade. Here he is relaxed and with a camera. He is taking in all of their smiles. Their silliness. Their exploration. I am only now taking in these images because I did not experience them today. Sometimes I wonder if my grandpa and my husband don't worry because they know that we do. Our children don't worry because they know that we do. After about an hour I did a trade with my husband. I fed Hadley while Ron was with them. Don't get me wrong. My eyes stayed trained on my children but I also got to see them from his point of view. I could see my whole family in the sunshine. I am so thankful that I did switch him because our children got to run. They got to explore without moms worried words. I would like to say that maybe this will change me. It won't. This is my fear. Once they can swim I know I will be able to relax at least a little bit. I will still be counting heads but I do that everywhere. I just have to be sure I have the right balance. I have to believe that every parent has fears. Every parent protects their children with a fierceness no one can match. I just don't want to smother them. I am ok with it at the beach. I tend to be more relaxed elsewhere.

Don't they just look carefree and beautiful? I am happy that I have a husband to capture beautiful moments at the beach.







1 comment:

Alex said...

I didn't tell you this, but as I was sitting on the sand enjoying a conversation with another homeschool mom, my eyes were watching your children, checking on the little ones and making sure they were ok. They have become very special to me and because mine are older, I wasn't as worried about them.
Your children had a wonderful time, it was a plesaure to be watching them. ♥