Artistic Lunch

I want to remember this

The boys share a room with us. When Cohen goes to bed at night he puts his most valued toy on his bed post. When I go to bed I see the silhouette of his chosen toy. I never want to forget him placing them gently on top. I may understand the book "I'll love you forever" just a bit more now.

Fear

Sisters

Exploration

Hadley on the sidelines

Freedom

We had Homeschool Track and Field Day today. This means heading to the beach in the afternoon with the kids. As I look through the pictures I notice their smiling faces and the freedom they have. You do not see any pictures of me. If you did you would see worry. Anxiety. Serious. I have 6 children. 4 of whom cannot swim yet. 3 of whom who try to. Can you see where this would stem from? I try. I really do. I just don't find the beach relaxing. I remember my grandma (who had 8 children) telling me that whenever they would go to the beach she would be watching like a hawk and counting heads. My grandpa would be laying out in the sun without a care in the world. While I was hovering over my children I looked over at my husband who had the baby in the shade. Here he is relaxed and with a camera. He is taking in all of their smiles. Their silliness. Their exploration. I am only now taking in these images because I did not experience them today. Sometimes I wonder if my grandpa and my husband don't worry because they know that we do. Our children don't worry because they know that we do. After about an hour I did a trade with my husband. I fed Hadley while Ron was with them. Don't get me wrong. My eyes stayed trained on my children but I also got to see them from his point of view. I could see my whole family in the sunshine. I am so thankful that I did switch him because our children got to run. They got to explore without moms worried words. I would like to say that maybe this will change me. It won't. This is my fear. Once they can swim I know I will be able to relax at least a little bit. I will still be counting heads but I do that everywhere. I just have to be sure I have the right balance. I have to believe that every parent has fears. Every parent protects their children with a fierceness no one can match. I just don't want to smother them. I am ok with it at the beach. I tend to be more relaxed elsewhere.

Don't they just look carefree and beautiful? I am happy that I have a husband to capture beautiful moments at the beach.

Our children

Moments in Time

THANK YOU GOD

As I was signing into my account I hear a muffled cry. I look at my children and count. 1.2.3.4.5. Ok one is missing. Callum. I follow the cry and realize that my little 2.5 year old is standing on the porch trying to get IN! I had just brought the dog out and didn't notice my little guy escape. Thankfully, he wouldn't want to venture out to the road. It only takes a second, doesn't it? A fluttering butterfly followed onto the road. A toy run after. Searching for airplanes flying high. In one instant, I could be one less.

A 3yo boy was abducted in British Columbia. He was gone an agonizingly few days. Scores of people searched for this missing boy in hopes of finding him safe. Guess what. He was brought back. Back into the arms of his terrified and grateful parents.

Moments like these help me not take them for granted. Messy hands. Sticky faces. Muddy boot prints across our carpet. Hearing momma for the thousandth time in a minute. Whining about a sibling. These are all moments to be cherished. Most of my life I am with my family. I know that when they are grown I will not have any regrets on how much time I spent with them. Sure from day to day I picture a big, yellow automobile to pull up in front of my house and load them up for the day! 6 glorious hours for cleaning, quilting, reading and SLEEPING!!! Most days though, I feel so grateful and thankful that I GET to spend my days with my giggling, arguing, fascinating children. Really, life can't get much better than this!

Time

I have been thinking a lot about independence. I see older people whose children are teenagers or older. I cannot fathom being able to take a nap or quilt uninterrupted. Some calls me on the phone and asks if I would like to join them for a coffee/movie/dinner and I can say yes and not worry about the kids. I will sleep through the night. The house will not have more food under the table than on. I can watch my shows and not worry about little eyes watching and being influenced. I get little glimpses of what my life will be. Then I am up in the middle of the night with a little Hadley, nuzzled into my neck. I can feel her little chest going up and down against mine. She whimpers like a puppy in her sleep. Before bed I check on every one of my children to make sure they are there and covered. Cohen has his mouth open while he sleeps. Amelie is spread out and Ricky is curled up in her plethora of stuffed animals. Reagan I tread lightly because she will wake up and want to be up. Callum is out like a log and won't move. Throughout the night most will be out on the couch, spread out all over. Why do we have beds? lol We put blankets out on the couch at night because we know they will end up here. Growing up is bittersweet. While thinking about independence I think about missing this stage. The needing me stage. The look in their eyes that says I am their world. I look forward to who they will become but that can't stop me from seeing who they are. Quilting can wait. The memories cannot.