Sometimes don't you feel like it isn't all ok? The dishes piled in the sink. A broken jar craft fallen in a million pieces that is sure to find its way into my child's foot. Arguing children and the I NEED A BREAK thoughts. And this is summer! We barely have any school stuff going on!
Life goes on.
We will have moments where the kids do something kind. When they pick up without being asked. When they come and hug you and say I love you or even just the hug. We will have a lot of these moments.
This is our life.
Today folks, is the former. I cannot wait to get out and go shopping. Time by myself.
You know what guilt feelings I get? When I say no to one of my children or when I choose not to do something with them or go shopping and feel excited about getting away, I worry that I will lose one of them and always regret that no. That I didn't spend every moment I could with them. That I didn't pick flowers more, study insects, run, play, play sports and just see the wonder of the world enough. I don't think I am a fun mom. I cuddle. I read. I talk. I enjoy. I am not fun. I don't do those things very often. What if I die? What if I am gone and they remember that I wasn't fun?
Having a moving mind like mine can sometimes be exhausting! The guilt-mom feelings.
I don't let this rule me though. I let these thoughts enter and try for a day to be fun. What if I don't think it is fun? Is it more important to be fun or thought of as fun?
So I continue to read, hug and have wonderful, connecting talks with my children because that is who I am. I need to embrace that instead of hanging onto guilt about who I am not.
Now, I am going to go shopping. Guilt free shopping. Then I will head home tonight and kiss all of my beautiful children and tell them how much I love them.